Behavior patterns
Tried to cut you off from friends or family
'Your friends wouldn't understand.' 'Your family is jealous.' 'This is just between us.' Bit by bit, they become the person you talk to and everyone else becomes a threat to what you have. Reports describe realizing, later, that nobody around them knew what was going on.
What it looks like
- Discouraging you from telling anyone about the relationship or the 'investment'.
- Criticism of the friends and family who ask questions.
- Wanting to be the first and last message of your day.
- Framing secrecy as romance or loyalty.
Why do scammers want you to keep it secret?
A second opinion breaks the spell. Scripts depend on you not saying out loud 'I'm sending money to someone I've never met', because said out loud it sounds like what it is. Isolation also raises the cost of walking away, since they've become your main source of company. It's the same move controlling partners use, for the same reason.
What to do
- Tell one person what's happening, in plain words, today. Just describing it helps.
- Treat 'don't tell anyone' as a warning in itself, especially around money.
- If money has already gone, start here and let someone you trust help you with the calls.
- AARP's Fraud Watch Helpline (877-908-3360) will talk it through with you or a family member.
More in the tips: The four signs of a scam.
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